Parenthood in Japan

In today’s Global Parenthood Stories we meet Jacqui Murakami who lives in Tokyo with her Japanese husband Yuji and their two young children, Leo and Lily. Jacqui gives us a glimpse into national holidays dedicated to children, Japan’s breathtaking countryside and izakayas.

Jacqui’s background: Jacqui was born and raised in Melbourne, Australia where she worked as a fashion stylist. She always had an interest in Japanese culture and began exploring the idea of moving to Tokyo to experience and learn about Japan firsthand. The time felt right for her to take the leap and in 2012, she arrived in Tokyo where she planned to spend a year soaking up the Japanese lifestyle and finding the best ramen in the city.

Jacqui’s time in Japan was an exciting adventure that opened up a variety of creative opportunities such as modelling for local fashion brands, recording vocals with a local band and working as a barista in the most charming cafe that was complete with its own working record player. She later delved into teaching English where she worked with students ranging from preschool age to adults. 

Jacqui originally planned to spend one year in Japan but life had other plans. She fell in love with Japan more than she was expecting and then fast forward to 2016 she fell in love, in Japan too. She met her now husband Yuji and after some time decided to move to Australia together where it was Yuji’s turn to soak up the Australian lifestyle and learn about Jacqui’s culture. Soon after this, they celebrated their wedding in Australia and also organised a small traditional ceremony in Japan too. Yuji worked as a fashion photographer in Melbourne and Jacqui continued her work as an English teacher at an international college while running an online ceramics store. Soon after they welcomed their two children into the world; first Leo and later Lily.

A move back to Japan was a timely next step enabling Yuji’s family to spend time with their two children. was an opportunity to teach them about the other side of their cultural heritage.

First impressions: When I first came to Japan, I found the variety of and the attention to detail with everything exciting. It was also slightly overwhelming too. The amount of people everywhere and lack of space was a lot to take in. This is my second time living in Japan and it is different because this time around I have children.  Before children like everyone I’m sure, we could freely eat, drink, travel anywhere but now we have to think about more family friendly places, which in some ways it’s like I’m experiencing Japan for the first time again with a new perspective. The most different thing is not being able to have a hot bath in Onsen areas whenever we want. Instead I mostly find myself staying in the local area at parks and playgrounds!

Japanese culture and manners: Basically in Japan, with its high population and distinct culture, you need to be thinking about others constantly. If you don’t, people consider it to be selfish and disrespectful. For example, before getting on the train, it’s an expectation that you wait to the side in a line and make sure the doorway is clear first before getting on. In terms of manners in Japan, it’s highly valued to apologise a lot. From being in the way, to taking too long to do something. It’s also frowned upon when people don’t consider others or don’t keep “fighting”, which here means to constantly challenge yourself and not become lazy.

Housing: People typically live in apartments but there are houses around too; you can rarely rent houses though. Typical apartments are very small; unimaginably small by Australian standards. You’ll always find a similar style of wallpaper, bathroom and features in most of them. From what I’ve seen, It’s very rare to find custom-made features or alternative styles of interior/exterior like you would see in Australian apartments.

National Holidays: There are national holidays dedicated to kids such as girls day, boys day and other days which involve activities kids enjoy participating in. There’s a day called, “Setsubun” which is at the start of Feb and it’s to prepare for spring by chasing away demons and there’s a ritual of throwing dried soybeans around the house. Kids usually pick up the beans and eat the number according to their age. Little kids sometimes can be scared of the demon but they generally the fun in throwing the soybeans. To be honest, my kids prefer Halloween or Christmas where they can dress up or get presents. Perhaps these two holidays are more suited to my kids’ ages. I’m sure when they grow up they’ll appreciate some of the Japanese holidays too.

Variety:  The variety of everything. Not only food, but clothing, homewares, even pens. There are so many types of pens! Anything you can imagine and I’m sure it’s here. Having variety can be great and convenient especially as a parent. For example having so many doctor’s clinics is great because it means I can always find a way to see one if others are booked out. Other times it can be overwhelming having an overload of options. I guess it depends on the individual person and the kind of day you’re having!

Izakayas: It’s exciting to eat at izakayas which are Japanese pubs. They are great for people who like to enjoy small, Japanese dishes with alcohol. Small dishes izakayas could be likened to Spanish tapas are really delicious and cheap. People go to them to unwind, be themselves and often get to know the staff there or the owner and socialise with other customers. Some izakayas can be kid-friendly, although most aren’t because they can be quite small and can get get rowdy. Izakayas are similar looking to the pubs in Australia depending on how new or old they are and they are more intimate, with more counter-seating. 

Bedtime: Bedtime for children in Australia is significantly earlier than in Japan and there seems to be more structure to it. For example when we were in Australia, at around 7:30pm most kids I know go to bed. Whereas in Japan, the time kids go to bed seems to be something the Japanese are more relaxed about. It just doesn’t seem as big of a priority to parents here as it does in Australia to have kids in bed by a certain time although the routine before bed does seem to have a lot of similarities to other countries as far as I have seen.

Countryside getaways:  Our little getaways are always memorable; the mountains are beautiful and there’s always a lot to do and eat. . Japanese people in the countryside are generally nicer and more welcoming, just like most places in the world. They’re equally great because there’s more space and the air is noticeably cleaner. Also Japan is so proud of their regional and local gastronomy. There are always certain foods and drinks that visitors should try when visiting specific towns and cities. My top 3 must-dos are to eat the local food of wherever you are visiting, take a hot springs bath and see some nature. If I had to choose my favourite place in the Japanese countryside, I’d have to say Nagano. 

Safety: Safety is great in Japan and little kids often get around on their own even from 4 years old! I personally cannot get used to that but it’s something to feel secure about in general.   People in Japan just generally try to do the right thing by others, that’s why I think the crime rate is low. I’ve noticed that Japanese people are really honest about people’s belongings. For example, people leave belongings on the street and others usually put them up on a fence or pole until it’s picked up by the owner. Nobody shouts at you in public either, it just generally feels safer.

Parenting styles: In Japan it seems kids are really treated more traditionally like kids however I feel in Australia it’s becoming more of a trend for parents to treat their kids as equals, giving them choices between things and not panicking too much when they’re playing independently. In Japan there’s a real focus more often than not that things are ‘dangerous’ and at playgrounds it’s expected to think of others all the time. The ‘helicopter parenting’ style is common here and danger is often more associated with the playgrounds themselves and not so much the stranger danger aspect like in Australia. Parenting can be more strict here by Australian standards but only related to how to behave in front of others, on trains, on the street etc and not so much on other parenting such as diet or bedtime. 

Snacks: In Australia there’s a real focus on healthy eating and preparing snacks that are nutritious for kids. Whereas in Japan, I’ve never noticed parents caring too much about eating healthily and snacks tend to be chocolate, lollies etc. I remember on the way to childcare one day, one woman asked what my kids were eating and was so surprised to see them eating peeled cucumbers without any salt/sauce!

Simple joys: Even though it’s hard getting around by foot every day, I mostly enjoy the walk with my kids to childcare. We say hi to locals and spot interesting things along the way. Something that stands out to me here when we’re walking in the streets is how nice it is to see so many active, elderly people around. They gather in front of each other’s houses or are on the street with their dogs. They generally look quite healthy and happy too which isn’t as common to see in Australia.

Childcare:  In Japan if you want your kids in childcare you both need to be working full time/equivalent. You need to prove you really need it due to limited spots and such a high population. Most kids are in there 5 days. In Australia, we had Leo in for 2 days as I worked part time. It just seems like it’s normal for families to spend less time together (especially weekdays) compared to in Australia. Also childcare is free from 3-5 years old, so this helps a lot!  Our kids go to a public childcare (government-run). It looks like a mini school and there’s a lot of kids. They have a communal yard to play in and they do a variety of activities throughout the day just like in Australia. 

Eating out: We take advantage of eating out more often in Japan because it’s cheaper than when we would eat out in Australia. Sometimes I worry because we eat out too much and I wonder if we’re getting all the nutrition we need but it is nice not to do the dishes as often though! Groceries in Japan are surprisingly more expensive but we still cook, often making things in bulk and putting them in the freezer to make life easier when there’s limited time. 

Getting around:  Here everyone travels by foot, bicycle, trains or buses. People rarely drive to work; it’s a lot more expensive than Australia to own, drive and maintain a car. It was very hard at first as we were so used to having a car to get around, especially with kids. Even though it’s hard getting around by foot every day, I mostly enjoy the walk with my kids to childcare.